It's hard to believe, but they're going into 8th grade in September. On one hand, I can state the old adage, 'time flew by', but on the other hand, it feels as though time has passed at just the rate it was meant to. Raising them, as a single parent, from infancy until they were 12 was quite a journey and one I wouldn't change for anything! The four of us have a bond that's indescribable. I encouraged independence and individuality while weaving in our family motto, "treat others with Loving Kindness" (especially the sibling who may have just run away with your favorite toy). I allowed them to have opinions and taught each of them to use their strong, inner voice. These days, I remind them that their negotiation skills are top notch, so they don't need to practice on me any longer. They are each incredibly different even though they were born only minutes apart. Then again, they are all courageous leaders, in their individual ways. One is a quiet, behind the scenes leader who lets others feel as though they are leading. The second has a strong presence that makes others feel comfortable yet curious, and they follow. The third is much more obvious with her leadership qualities and aspirations. We have four mighty personalities.
The year they were 12, I got married to a gentle, strong, easygoing, unconditionally loving man, Ray. We, the original four, were not looking to add another to our family, but best friends fell in love. What's a person to do? I knew the kids liked him when after dating for a month, we were driving in my small Prius, and from the back seat Ray and I heard, "When are you gonna be our Dad?". He had many opportunities to gently slip away...or maybe turn and bolt, but he didn't. Ray hung around and is, today, the key to balance in our family. His personality, lovingly guides the leaders in the house who want to take on the world, yesterday.
Of course, with such large ambition and independent personalities, all three are looking into numerous different High Schools. I had to put a limit on how many they would apply to and the max per child was three. That would be nine campus tours, nine interviews, nine sets of applications, nine sets of financial aid forms, many hours of research and, I'm guessing, tons of phone calls.
In the past, when it came to summer camp or other interests, I did all the research and communicated with who ever needed communications, then I'd let them know when I'd drive them there. The triplets could sit back and I would present the final plan for what they were interested in exploring.
With the awareness that I'm putting more energy into healing and making sure I don't over do it, I told the triplets that, at 13, they can bring me the final plan. I let them know how I went about the research, and communicated with the appropriate people to get information about what was needed and they've seen me do this for years. Now, it's their turn. I handed over the baton(s). I'm available for them to ask me questions to help guide them on their quest, but I'm stepping down from being their Sherpa. It's time for them to learn how to lead themselves and explore the routes that work and don't work for them. And it helps me stick to my commitment to extreme self care, to heal and be available to support them as they prepare for their rites of passage.
They may trip, stumble and there may even be some tears. I'm fully confident that this venture will teach them how to fly. Mom and Dad will always be available for advice, a hug, a smile of encouragement or some great high fives!
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